Last night I dreamed that I was at work, having slight cramps, and then went to the bathroom and saw I was spotting. I went back to my office and my coworker could tell something was wrong. I asked my boss if I could go home and said I was scared I might be miscarrying again and she let me go. So I started going home but I was back in London which meant a long walk to the tube station (rather than driving home like I can now) and it was really icy out and I fell at least once on the ice. Then dream-me wasn’t sure if I had fallen on the way to work or not, and maybe that caused the spotting…
When I woke up it was 5:30. I semi-dozed for an hour and then when we both were awake at 6:30 I did a doppler check. Got the heartbeat immediately. It slowed fractionally as I was listening, which often means the baby is reacting to something - so maybe it was reacting to either the pressure or the beam of the doppler. Then it kicked me. I listened for a few more seconds and then turned it off.
I don’t like dreams like that. With my first miscarriage it started at work, which is probably why I was back in London after I exited my office. Fortunately there wasn't quite as much terror in the dream as there was in real life that day.
Twenty-three weeks today. Not quite to viability, but getting there. Sometimes I think I'm getting too cocky, with buying baby clothes and making plans. But I have to remind myself that that is what people normally do in pregnancy, and my experience thus far has been abnormal, which is why doing the 'normal' stuff feels 'wrong'.
Leave it to me to make things complicated!
My childbirth classes are supposed to start this week, and I also have my final (though they don't know it) appointment at the Nurse Midwifery Birth Center. Then next week I have my first appointment with my new midwife. Gotta keep taking things a day at a time; it's worked so far!
So understandable, all of it.
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