No news is good news? Perhaps, but still frustrating.

Beth writes:

We had our first midwife appointment today, which is also week 11-and-a-bit. Being in the 10-to-12-week window of starting to be able to hear the heartbeat on doppler, the midwife duly broke out the equipment and gave it a try. No dice. Heard me, but not baby. So she asked if I was open to an ultrasound. I was, and she wheeled in the transabdominal equipment. She couldn't get a satisfactory picture and said she was not qualified to do a transvaginal ultrasound, so she gave me a choice - I could come back in two weeks for another try, or I could get a referral to the hospital to try this week on their better ultrasound equipment. I chose the latter, so we have that appointment on Thursday afternoon.

She said that it looked like the baby was presenting head-first which is of course not an optimal position for hearing a heart or measuring length. So hopefully nothing is wrong, and we just have a slightly uncooperative little guy or girl who didn't want to pose for the 'camera'.

Martin writes:

I came along too, as I hadn't been able to visit the birthing center previously when Beth went on a tour. The birthing rooms all look very cosy and comfortable, big NORMAL double bed so I can hop in for a hug, cuddle or massage as required (though Beth may be too busy to massage me). We're leaning towards not having a doula, which for the uninitiated is a female "birthing partner" who is there to help the midwife and mother, mainly because we feel the fewer people in the room the better, and we're not good at making new friends instantly.

We were given a bunch of literature, including "The Official Lamaze Guide". Once again we are convinced that the general US method of hospital birth actually inhibits and interferes with the natural process, while the Birthing Center will allow things to progress as the mother and baby dictate, with interference only if complications arise.

We were encouraged to join a Birthing Group (I forget the actual title), where all the mothers due around the same time (late November for us) and their partners if possible, get together with a midwife at the center for a general chat about how things are progressing, and questions/answers. Unfortunately this requires going every Friday for several weeks, and seems to be aimed at non-working mothers. We've expressed interest but also our inability to drop half a day's work every week. Some sort of pre-birth class is required (what do they do if you refuse to attend? Give you an F?) but we haven't worked out yet what we will be doing.

Time came for a listen to the baby's heart, and the doppler came up empty. Switch to the ultrasound, and though we could see a black kidney-shaped blob and various baby-shaped bits inside, we didn't see an actual heartbeat as we did at six weeks. This has led to mild anxiety. Has the fetus died? It is possible, though we have no other reason to believe so. The midwife admitted that she was not the world's greatest expert on using the ultrasound, and the way she kept waving it about before I could understand what I was seeing on the monitor backs this up. I should probably have asked if I could drive, but didn't. She also admitted that their ultrasound machine at this center is not as good as the hospital's one, that the baby appeared to be currently lying front to back so we were looking at the top of its head, and that in some women the uterus sits behind other internal workings, obscuring the picture further. The uterus will soon lift up and out, making scanning easier (and belly bulges bigger), and by 15 weeks (the next scheduled appointment) the baby is a lot bigger and easier to spot.

The end result was that for our own peace of mind we booked an appointment (through the birth center) at the hospital for a better ultrasound check on Thursday at 4pm, the soonest we could both attend. Until then we're nervous but trying to smile through. In all probability there's absolutely nothing wrong, but has any expectant parent managed to carry on life with no jitters? When it comes down to it, no parent or expectant parent can live without worrying about their child, and those of you who are parents are now nodding sagely and thinking "They have so much to learn, poor things".

Yes we do, and we're going to have fun doing it.